It was 2010.
I had spent roughly 4 months in India working for an exquisite textile company.
Nearing the end of the adventure, I flew north and spent around 13 days in an Ashram close to the Ganges River.
Mostly in silence, meditating, journaling, walking and reading a bit.
Many beautiful and powerful things happened on that Ashram stay.
One, in particular, I will never forget: feeling utterly and completely enough.
My clothes were incredibly simple, the food was basic and the accommodation really bare.
I was single and travelling solo. I remember this particular afternoon sitting on a rock and realising I didn’t need a single thing. This precious feeling of being whole, unbroken and complete. I asked myself if I felt like needing something to make that sitting something more.
I couldn’t think of anything.
It was like meeting this holy inner oasis for the very first time - and it tasted oh so sweet.
After that special time, and within a week, I found myself back in New York.
I remember the first days walking around the streets, getting on the train and feeling how this wholeness made me so rich. I saw the struggle and suffering and worry in others, but not me. I was still complete.
Until I was not.
After 2 weeks of walking and stores and conversations, I saw the holes creeping in. Suddenly the wrinkle cream advertising got me thinking, and I started wondering about my clothes. And fear - about all sorts of things - started creeping in.
And I saw it all. Right then and there I realised how so many profited from me doubting my worth. If only I gave in to what they said. The advertising, and the noise. What they said was lacking in me would make for brilliant business for them.
So an internal pull and push began and in various degrees has appeared on and off, ever since.
Like many, I too oscillate between believing the outside voices and the childhood stories about me being incomplete. But I have the vivid memory and knowing, in my heart and body, that I am truly enough.
And guess what,
So are you.
We all are.
I am so glad you are here, showing up and doing your work, with me.
From light to darkness and everything in between.